Once Inspired

As life would have it, people come together and they fall in love. Obviously they fall in love with the other person and accept them for who they are and so on, but they also occasionally, fall in love with the subconscious desires that that individual fulfills.

They will surely add value to each others’ lives in one way or another, but you’re probably thinking that of course they add value otherwise they wouldn’t be in love.

But surely you should still love someone even when they become a burden on you? Love is not a matter of convenience.

Love needs to have room to grow. Sometimes falling in love is a case of “You fit and therefore you will stay.” Now if something fits then there I no room for growth. Love is side by side, not one within the other and that is a big mistake that many people make.

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

“Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be.”

-          Kahil Gibran, author of The Prophit.

If something fits it will always just fit. If it grows it no longer fits and hence the significance of the second quote above.

What happens when the value added love is gone? All of sudden that which seemed to fit so well begins to loosen up.

The desire to be back at the stage of perfect fit leads the individual into thinking: “Maybe those feelings can come back. I’m going to continue to love like this just as did before and hopefully someway, somehow, someday soon we will be back to where we were 1 month ago.”

At this stage that person has fallen out of love since that value added love is no longer there. The desire to be back at the blissful love state is the only motivating factor for staying in the relationship. Still being in love with the idea of loving you they continue to act, do and say the nice things they always have. One such thing is telling you that they love you.

Falling out of love is not uncommon. Unfortunately though many people take the “How could you?” angle which only leads to resentment.

It’s not fair to blame someone for their feelings. Most of the time they can’t help the way they fell, and sometimes they even wish they could change the way they feel.

So next time you fall in love, make sure there’s room for growth. And do yourself a favour, read The Prophet by Kahil Gibran. Here’s once last quote from it.

“Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

-          Kahil Gibran